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-+Tuesday, June 16, 2009+-
what the hell am i doing now?
didnt study for tomorrow exam.. but online-ing at here..
posting blog.. what the fish am i doing now?
no mood to study.. damn bad mood.. i would like to say damn it!!
my finger is pain.. my heart is bleeding now..
what can i do?? both sides are the person that i love most!!!!!!!!!!
i dont want to let go.. even one of them..
why?????
now only i realize love is not a matter of two person..
it is a matter of two family..
i cant even predict this.. everything was happened in a sudden..
it shocked me..
i thought he is pass.. and you all dont have any objection in our relationship..
why??? he is a good guy.. it is damn hard for me to let him go/ dump him..
without a reasonable reason which can persuade me..
you all just said that he wasnt the guy that suit you..
but.. did you think for us??
love is such a easy thing??
say let go then can let go easily??
we love each other like crazy.. i could sacrifice anything for it..
i'm trying so hard to study.. do you know why i do so??
i'm trying to prove that i still can handle well in my study although i'm in love..
maybe the word that someone told me is correct..
"usually parents will break our first love, especially for the elder child in the family"
but.. it doesnt make any sense..
what is the point of this???
i hope that i could marry with my first and even live forever happpily with him..
he will be the first and the last in my life..
i was trying so hard to make you all agree in our relationship..
that is the reason why i was trying so hard brought him back...
even though he has to work and i will be having my MID-TERM by the week after that..
he take lift from his work.. and i trying to finish my homework as fast as possible..
for what we do so??
the only reason is that we respect our parents.. thats it!!!
you all told me to think twice act wise.. <>
i'm know very well what is the stuff that i'm doing now!!!!
things might happened too fast.. i agree with this..
we can change the speed to slower.. and slower..
i wont over the gap.. there is a gap. a limit.. i didnt over it and i wont!!!!!!!!!!
why still want me to break up??
you said you all are going to bring me to see doctor_physiology doctor..
to check why i dont want to let go..
gonna send me to singapore.. stop my study here..
if i still dont want to follow your word you will stop my study here and bring me home immediately..
that mean you all want me to break up with him.. if not you all will force me..
T.T.... helpless..
sorry hubby.. i 'm not dare to tell you these..
i dont want you to be stress and dont want to break up with you..
i.... just want to settle these by myself..
one person stress is better than both of us feel stress..
stress will make us do things that we doesnt want to do..
i scare the day might happen.. somehow but not now..
the only thing that i'm hoping now is you are always happy..
that is all what i want from you!!!
i will try to talk to my parents again.. after i finish this stupid examination..
i cant lose you.. i also can lose my family as well..
it is hard to choose among you all..
can i choose both???
mom, can you give us some time??
i hope to prove to you.. somehow.. our love is not play play..
it is true love from the bottom of our heart..
may be you will say.. do you know what is love??
love is not only two person live together..
it also consist of responsible among ourself and to our family.. we have to think much more.. we have to think everything and have to be reality..
i KNEW this!!!!!!!!!!!!
maybe in your eyes.. i'm still the small little childish girl..
not mature enough to be in love..
this is the worry of parents..
i knew why you all will be so strict to me and the person that i choose..
this is because you love me..
you all feel protective of me... just in case dont want me to be hurt..
i understand these.......... i agree that i may be not mature enough..
but.. i could understand what you want.. and knowing very well what i want..
love was came in a sudden.. i cant control it..
(PS: my heart was bleeding.. my tears droped non-stop.. heart broken.. i dont have any mood to study now.. cant concentrate.. )
not dare to post this blog............ i knew hubby will read my blog when he online.. i will post this somehow later after i talk to my parents.. sorry.. i doesnt mean wana keep it from you.. just try to settle it by myself just dont want you to feel stressful and unhappy of this.. i.. one person is enough to suffer for this..
do you notice that.. after i received my mom's call i cried.. i feel damn sorry to them.. that i make them cant sleep and eat well.. especially for my dad.. he very care of us!!!! sorry mummy sorry daddy..
at the moment when i received your message that wrote "you miss me.. the message is not written by kang.. his heart control his hand to type...." i cry again.. tears drop non-stop.. i try to keep it from dropping.. i went out to cold down myself.. and pretend strong.. pretend nothing was happen.. act like usual.. and then reply your message when i go back to my room.. as my friend was in my room.. i dont want to let her worry about me....and i also do not want you to worry about me as well!!!!!!!! you might feel so strange that why am i acting so cool when sms with you and said that i want to study.. and i know if i said so you wont call me at the night.. because i'm quite worry that i will cry when talking to you.. luckily.. you didnt phone me at the night..
hope to get over this difficulties.. as what you said before nothing will affect our love..
i believe so strong in this sentense!!!!!!!!!!
hubby... muakzz.... i love you..
i love you like crazy.. really really sorry that i didnt tell you this.....
(PS: sorry hubby.. i love you.. DUI BU QI, WO AI NI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! muakzz..z..... z.... )
Gameboy-ing At 9:18 AM
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